


the mask party

by itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chaos, Crack, First Meetings, Humor, Irony, M/M, Masks, OR IS IT, Party, Pure Crack, Rated for Chaos, or it it!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27110872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmyusualweeb/pseuds/itsmyusualphannie
Summary: Dan attends a mask party. It is not a normal mask party.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11
Collections: Phandom Writers Discord 2020 Fall Exchange





	the mask party

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisobound/gifts).



> written for my phandom discord server's fall fic exchange! i had way too much fun with this.
> 
> i have nothing to say except i am so sorry
> 
> check out this [ICONIC ART](https://twitter.com/hiwatari/status/1317846625994174465) by hiwatari on twitter!! i love it so much it's so cute omfg

The Mask Party

Tags: Crack, Pure Crack, Chaos, Irony, Humor, Party, Masks, First Meetings, or is it, Alternate Universe, or is it!, Rated for Chaos

It was very dark at this party. There were six strobe lights, but they were all on the floor and that made it very hard to see anything other than stomping feet.

It was not an alcohol party. At least Dan did not think it was. He had not seen any alcohols. He had not seen any drinks, in fact, although a few people had filled the toilet with orange juice and were now flushing it and catching it with their cups.

He wandered around the giant house looking for anyone familiar. It was very hard to find someone he knew. Everyone was wearing a mask. Someone was wearing an outfit entirely made up of masks. Dan was not sure if this was meant to be ironic or not.

He walked past the mask outfit person, who was aggressively doing ballet on the coffee table, and realised that he did not have a mask on his own face, so he stole one of the person’s masks. They did not seem to notice. Dan happily put it on his face and kept walking.

He walked into the kitchen. Six people were standing at the counter all in a line, chanting ominously at lit candles. The kitchen light was out, but somehow it was flickering ominously anyway. The candles’ lit wicks swayed ominously.

Dan ignored them. He went to the fridge and opened it. There were three bags of milk, an opened plastic slice of cheese, and a box of pizza.

Dan happily took out the pizza box and carried it into the dining room. It might not be the dining room. He had never been to this house before.

Behind him in the kitchen, the chanters manifested the creature they had been summoning. It crashed around the kitchen, smashing all of the counters and cabinets and a small table in the corner. It avoided the fridge. It did not like milk.

Dan did not notice the chanters now screaming and running out the kitchen with their arms flailing above their heads like limp noodles. “Pizza!” he called to the crowd of people inside the dining room. “Is anyone hungry?”

The music stopped abruptly and everyone stopped dancing to turn and stare at Dan.

“You fool,” said someone dressed in nothing but a pink leotard, thigh-high socks, and a giraffe mask. 

“We cannot eat,” said someone else dressed in nothing but a glittery tutu, leather suspenders, and a clear lace mask.

“This is a mask party,” said someone else dressed in nothing but a full-piece formal suit and a Cthulhu mask.

Dan sobbed sadly and left with his pizza. He could not believe he had been such a fool. They could not eat. This was a mask party.

He went out to the deck and stared at the pool. There had not been a pool a few hours ago, but someone wanted to swim so they had quickly installed a pool. Now five people were angrily swimming laps. They were not racing each other. They had been angrily swimming laps for the past two days.

“Does anyone want a pizza?” Dan asked the five people in the pool. They did not reply. He turned to the bushes at the side of the deck. “Do you want a pizza?”

The bushes nodded. Dan handed them the pizza. They thanked him and dug into the pizza.

Dan wandered back inside, still sad for many reasons. He could not eat pizza. The bushes did not know how to wipe their mouth after eating a messy slice of pizza. It was hard to see inside. He did not even know what mask he was wearing.

“Orange juice?” someone offered cheerfully as he passed the bathroom.

Dan nodded sadly and took it. But he could not drink it. He was wearing a mask because this was a mask party.

He wandered past a couple who was romantically making out against the wall. He walked past another couple who was cheerfully making out against the floor. He hurried past another couple who was angrily making out against the ceiling.

Finally, he made it to the staircase in the middle of the house. It was very dangerous because it had stairs, unlike other staircases that did not have stairs.

Dan set his orange juice down on the bottom step. He hoped he would survive this dangerous trip up the dangerous stairs.

The cup of orange juice cheered him on as he took his first step. Dan smiled happily and took another step. He clung desperately to the railing, but it did not help very much. The stairs swayed ominously beneath him.

He carefully took another step. Behind him, someone with a straw poked through their cardboard mask picked up the orange juice and wandered away, slurping it. The orange juice screamed in agony.

Dan took yet another step. He was now four entire steps off the ground. He was already regretting this. But it was harder to go down stairs than it was to go up stairs.

He had to take four breaths before he took another step. His foot did not want to go up, but he forced it to go up anyway. Just because his feet controlled him most of the time did not mean they could control him now.

Concentrating on other things might help. Dan concentrated on the screaming sounds coming from downstairs. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen. How interesting.

He listened for sounds from the living room. A sped-up, aggressive version of Swan Lake was playing there. Three people were clapping politely as the person with a mask outfit ferociously pirouetted on the coffee table.

Sounds came from the bathroom downstairs too. Someone flushed the toilet and giggled as more orange juice came out. They did not drink it. They had a mask on, as this was a mask party.

Before Dan knew it, he had made it to the top of the stairs. He threw himself to the floor in relief and made out with it for a few moments. No tongue, though.

He got up and continued on down the hallway. The stairs creaked grumpily behind him. They usually were much better at keeping people from going upstairs.

The hall closet door swung open and a girl stuck her head out. She was wearing a superhero mask. “Hey,” she told Dan.

“Hey,” he said.

“I like girls,” she said.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” she said.

She shut the closet door again.

Dan had a moment of silence for her since she was now trapped back in the closet and her parents probably had no idea.

Dan had a moment of loudness for her since that closet must not be very comfortable. He knocked on the door. “That closet must not be very comfortable,” he said conversationally.

“It isn’t!” the girl said cheerfully.

“Do you want to come out?” Dan asked hopefully. “There is orange juice downstairs. And pizza. Actually, I think the bush ate all of the pizza.”

The door creaked open again and the girl crawled out. “I cannot drink orange juice,” she told him. “I am allergic to citrus. I cannot eat pizza. I am allergic to crust.”

“And we are wearing masks anyway, so you cannot eat or drink anything,” he said.

“Yes,” she agreed. Then she went downstairs to find the citrus and the crust. The stairs were too tired to stop her since they had been walked over all night.

Dan felt very successful. He shut the closet door. He had been scared of closets ever since he managed to escape his closet a year or two ago. Then he kept walking down the hall.

There were two bedrooms at the end of the hall. One door was open and no one was inside.

Dan opened the door to the other bedroom. Two people were on the bed having fun. “This is my room,” he told them, but he was a lying liar. He had never seen this room before in his sad little life.

“Okay,” they said sadly and got up and went to the other bedroom to have fun.

Dan was suddenly very tired. He walked over to the bed and pulled all of the sheets and blankets off. He left a single pillow on the bed. He could not sleep without a pillow.

He took off his socks and shoes, then put his socks on the nightstand and put his shoes back on his feet. He left the door open because people would try to come inside if it was closed or locked, and then he laid down on the bed and put the pillow under his feet so his shoes would be cushioned.

The bed was very comfortable. So was the pillow.

Dan closed his eyes and went to sleep. It usually took him a minute or two to fall asleep, but pretending to socialise had tired him out. He fell asleep in three and a half seconds this time.

He woke up three and a half seconds later. It was actually three and a half hours, but they felt like seconds.

Someone was on the bed next to him.

Dan turned his head slowly to look at the person. They were looking right back at him. Their mask was white and blue and orange and was very scary. It was a clown mask.

Dan screamed and flailed backwards. He was very scared.

The other person screamed, too. They were very scared now, too.

Dan threw the pillow at the person. “I hate clowns!” he said in a very scared voice.

“Me too!” the clown person agreed.

Dan crawled across the bed toward the clown person, picked up his pillow, then crawled back to his spot. Then he threw the pillow at the clown again. “Why are you wearing the clown mask, then!”

“Oh, yeah,” the clown person realised cheerfully. “Because it is a mask party!”

Dan sighed in relief. How could he have been such a fool? Of course the clown person was wearing a clown mask. It was a mask party.

“Who are you?” Dan asked.

“Who are you?” the clown person asked right back.

Dan glared at the clown person. He was not going to tell a stranger his name. Did the stranger think he was a fool? “Is the party over yet?” he asked.

“No,” said the clown person. “It will be over in two minutes, though. We can wait until then.”

Dan nodded in agreement. Once the party was over, they would not be strangers anymore because they would be able to take off their masks.

They sat in silence until two minutes passed.

Suddenly, all the noise downstairs died away. Everyone filed out of the house in lines. 

The people in the room next door walked out of the window and into the pool. 

The pool people climbed out of the pool, picked up the pool, and took it with them as they left. 

The bathroom people could not bear to leave their orange juice, so they took the toilet with them too. 

The people in the dining room took their dramatic outfits and dramatics masks with them as they left.

The screaming people in the kitchen turned off the candles because it was dangerous to leave fire by itself, just like toddlers, and took the demon they had summoned with them. 

The ballerina in the living room took the coffee table with them as they left so they could keep spinning later.

The closet girl who was no longer in the closet did not leave because she was fighting with the bush beside the deck for the pizza.

Finally, the house was quiet, and only Dan and the clown person were in it. They sat on the bed and stared at each other.

“So who are you?” Dan asked.

The clown person took off the clown mask. “I am Phil!” he said triumphantly.

Dan sighed in a huge amount of relief. “I am Dan!” he said. He took off his own mask. It was a bear mask.

“So you are a bear?” Phil asked.

“Yes,” Dan said, even though he had not even known what mask had been on his face. “So you are a clown?”

“I am a famous YouTuber,” said Phil. “All of my fans are clowns, so of course I am the master clown.”

Dan gasped suddenly. How could he have been such a fool? He knew who Phil was. “You are a famous YouTuber!” he accused.

Phil beamed happily because he had been recognised and he was not recognised very often as a famous YouTuber. He had only been recognised three times today. “Yes,” he agreed.

“I am a famous YouTuber too!” said Dan, patting his own back because he had recognised another famous YouTuber. This would win him some fame points for sure.

Phil gasped suddenly. “You are a famous YouTuber!” he exclaimed happily.

“Yes!” Dan said tearfully. He wiped away a tear. He could not believe he had been recognised as a famous YouTuber by another famous YouTuber. “Wow, I cannot believe I have been recognised as a famous YouTuber by another famous YouTuber.”

“What are you doing at this party?” Phil asked.

“Well, I walked around. And then I napped,” said Dan.

“Exciting!” Phil said excitedly.

Dan nodded excitedly. “Very!”

“Do you want to make a video together?” Phil asked. “You seem very cool and I think my clown army would like you.”

“Yes!” Dan agreed. It would be very many fame points if he did a video. He had not done a video in years, after all.

Phil pulled his phone out of his shoe and opened his camera app. Looking at Phil’s feet made Dan’s feet cold, so he took his shoes off and put one sock back on, then threw his shoes out the window. They hit the closet girl on the head and she fell into the bush where it tried to eat her too.

Phil put his phone on the wall where it stuck easily. The wall would do whatever Phil wanted. It was part of the clown army, too.

“Just a second,” Phil said cheerfully. “I just need to set up the camera.” He was setting up the camera on his phone when he suddenly gasped.

“What is it?” Dan asked quickly.

Phil looked at him in surprise. “Are you Daniel Howell?”

Dan gasped. He did not know how this Phil guy knew his entire name. “How did you know my entire name?” he asked.

“You’re on YouTube!” Phil said excitedly. He showed Dan his phone, scrolling through his own YouTube videos. “Look, if you are Daniel Howell, you are in some of my videos!”

Dan gasped again. “Wait, are you AmazingPhil!”

“Yes!” Phil said excitedly.

“Oh my god,” said Dan. “I am Daniel Howell. You’re AmazingPhil. We make videos together!”

Phil gasped again. “We do! We live together too!”

“Wow,” Dan realised. “I can’t believe it.”

“Me neither,” Phil agreed.

“I can’t believe we already know each other!”

“Wow!” said Phil.

Dan put his bear mask back on. He did not want Phil to put on the clown mask again, so he took it and threw it out the window. It hit the closet girl just as she stood back up, and she fell back into the bush.

“Want to go home?” Dan asked Phil.

Phil nodded. “Yes, let’s go home.”

They climbed off the bed and walked downstairs, Phil mask-less and Dan with his bear mask and one sock.

What a great mask party.

**Author's Note:**

> favourite/least favourite line?


End file.
